


Obi-wan Is Very Prepared

by BloodyDevil



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: AU, Also Strip poker, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen, Never Have I ever is played, alcohol is involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22813594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyDevil/pseuds/BloodyDevil
Summary: This Occurs after the Council meeting in ROTS where they talk about where Grievous is and Obi-wan is supposed to go after him.Evidently, something goes wrong as for no apparent reason, the council doors won't open and they can't get communications out.Hilarity ensues.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 318
Collections: Favorite Rereads





	Obi-wan Is Very Prepared

**Author's Note:**

> I am very tired. And very sorry. 
> 
> 'specially if this doesn't make much sense.
> 
> No beta! We post like men! With Unending confidence in potentially terrible work!

“And with that, our meeting is adjourned.” Master Windu states, all the councillors present by hologram disappear while those present physically stand up. Some loiter a bit, Obi-wan remains seated a minute longer than the rest. Anakin, noticing this, heads over, standing by his former Master. 

However, when Master Fisto tries to leave, something happens.

Or rather, _nothing_ happened.

“The door will not open.” Master Fisto states, keying in the door code again and the door does not move. Master Fisto moves aside as Master Windu comes up, typing in an executive code and still, nothing happens.

“Maybe the pad short-circuited?” Master Kolar suggests.

“No, if the pad short-circuited the door would open.” Anakin states, shrugging when everyone turns to look at him, “All the doors in the temple are wired that way.”

“Would you mind trying to get the door open?” Master Windu asks, stepping away from the panel. Anakin hesitantly nods and heads toward the panel, pulling off the pad to look at the wires behind it.

“I’d advise calling a repair squad, the problem might be on the other side.” Anakin says as he fiddles.

Master Windu barely holds back a sigh before trying his comm, and only receiving static. He look at the other Masters who all try their own comms, receiving only Static in return.

“Well, that’s not good.” Obi-wan remarks.

“And yet you’re doing nothing.” 

Obi-wan shrugs, “Not much to do, Mace. Unless Anakin can get that door open, we’re stuck here with no way to contact anyone outside.”

“Could we call the other councillors back?” Master Tiin asks, walking over to one of the chairs and fiddling with the holo controls. 

Nothing. 

“Evidently not. We’re stuck.” Master Tiin states, sitting back down in his chair.

“Uh, so, there’s nothing wrong with these wires, and nothing I do is getting the door open.” Anakin says as all the other Masters sit back down.

“You said short circuiting would open the door, yes? Why not try that?”

“Considering there’s already a problem with the door, if I do that and it doesn’t work, the only other option would be someone taking a lightsaber to the door.” Anakin explains.

“The doors Beskar Skywalker, can’t be cut with a lightsaber.” Master Windu states.

“Sentiments the same, we’d have to destroy the door to get out.” Anakin says.

“Well, we’re stuck here regardless, so, might as well.” Anakin shrugs and shortcircuits the door.

Nothing happens.

“Well, we’re more stuck.” Obi-wan says and leans over his chair, waving his hand at a censor before reaching _in_ his chair and pulling out a bottle of Correllian Brandy.

“Kenobi,” Master Windu’s tone was all scolding. Anakin was just staring at his master with wide eyes. Obi-wan was already drinking out of it.

“What, we’re going to be stuck here for a few hours at least. As lovely as you all are, I’d rather be drunk.” Anakin’s eyebrows went to his hairline.

“Tell me you at least brought enough to share,” Master Kolar remarks. Obi-wan reaches back into his chair and pulls out a bottle of Iridonian Whiskey, handing it over to Agen without a word.

“Oh, give this to Master Kcaj,” Obi-wan says pulling out a bottle of Gionee Rum and handing it to Agen who handed it off to Kcaj, who was leaking bemusement into the Force.

“Do you have a bottle for every Master in there Kenobi?” Master Tiin asks jokingly.

“Yes. Do you want some Koreshan Vodka?” Obi-wan asks, holding out a bottle. Master Tiin takes only a moment to consider before nodding once and getting up, retrieving the bottle from Kenobi who has him wait a moment and retrieves a bottle Natuo Rum, “Gives to this Master Fisto.” With that, Master Tiin returns to his seat and hands the Rum over to Master Fisto.

“Master Kenobi, are you trying to get the whole council drunk?” Master Windu asks as Anakin walks back to his seat.

“Absolutely not. However, if we are to be stuck here for some hours, I think it’d be best if we’re drunk. Rushanion Tequila?” 

Master Windu hesitated a moment before sighing and holding his hand out. Obi-wan uses the Force to float the bottle over the other Master. Who immediately uncaps it and takes a swig.

“Nabooian Wine?” Obi-wan asks, floating the bottle in front of Anakin. Anakin takes it, more to prevent his Master from dropping it on the floor than his desire to drink.

None of the Master’s have the same restraint. All having already started drinking.

“Drinking in silence is boring,” Master Tiin states.

“Really? I was enjoying it quite well. Not often this room is silent.” Obi-wan remarks.

Master Tiin ignores him, “Let’s play a game.”

“I’m not good at drinking games, or I’m too good?” Master Fisto questions, then affirms, “I don’t get to drink much when I play drinking games.”

“Well, you can’t lose this one. I found some Padawan’s playing it, I don’t remember what they called it, _but_ the base is, you say ‘Never have I ever’ and then something outrageous, or not, that you think at least one of the other players has done, and the players that have done it, drink. And then it just goes around.” Master Tiin explains.

“Not a bad idea.” Obi-wan states and everyone, save for Anakin, agrees, “Why don’t you go first Master Tiin?”

“Never have I ever slept with a follow Council member.”

“While they and we were on the council or anytime?” Obi-wan asks, the specification was not necessary for him but, eh.

“On.” Obi-wan, Mace and Kit all drink. “All three of you-”

“The three of us plus two other counil member not currently present. Also individually.” Obi-wan says, smirking.

“Mm, who wants to go next?”

“I will. Never have I ever slept with my Master.” Master Fisto says, smiling in Obi-wan’s direction.

Anakin turned bright red, and somehow turned redder when Obi-wan drank muttering something along the lines of “Fuck you Kit.” Master Kcaj also drinks.

“I am not explaining this one.” Obi-wan states, “Windu, you’re next.”

“Never Have I ever lied to a council member. Regardless of being on the council myself.”

“Oh fuck you all.” Obi-wan mutters taking another drink to the shock of the entire council. Anakin uncaps his wine and takes a small drink while all eyes were on Obi-wan.

“When?!” Master Windu asks.

“Remember that Knight from the Outer Rim Temple on Konudc? That planet that couldn’t be contacted for half the year? The Vamurla, uh, Knight Icarus Herand Alucard, I think his name was”

“Yes.”

“Wasn’t a Knight. Wasn’t even a Jedi.”

“What.”

“Yep.”

“Kenobi, you need to explain that. Now.”

“Not much to explain. Needed a place to keep him, was like fifteen, the Temple seemed like the best place. Never Have I ever had sex underwater.” 

Both Master Fisto and Kjac drink, to no ones surprise. Master Kolar also drinks, to mosts surprise.

“Never Have I ever had sex with a Queen. Current or Former.”

No one drinks. Except Anakin who sighs and takes a drink. What propelled him to be honest, he doesn’t know, but at the very least no one questions him.

Oh no.

But Obi-wan does _cackle_.

_Loudly_.

“Never Have I ever raised a Padawan to Knighthood.” Anakin says quickly, face bright red. Everyone but him drinks. No one comments.

“Never Have I ever had sex on Land.” Master Kcaj says, smiling brightly, or the Ongree equivalent at least, when everyone but him drinks.

“Never Have I ever had sex with an Empress.” Master Tiin says, both Obi-wan and Master Fisto take drinks.

The game continued for some time, until most of them were nearly out of their drinks, it was decided it would end after Master Windu’s turn. Then they would just drink as they pleased.

Master Windu thought for a moment before saying, “Never Have I ever been married.”

Oh _Kark_.

This is it.

This is how Anakin gets kicked from the Order.

Except before Anakin could delve into a true panic, Obi-wan takes a drink, as does Master Tiin. Anakin takes a drink, looking at both Masters with confusion.

“Low blow Mace. You know we always end up married to _someone_ on Diplo-Dip- Missions.” Obi-wan remarks. 

Which.

They do?

Master Windu shrugs as there was a bang outside the Council doors.

“Generals?!” One of the clones yells through the door, barely audible.

“Ohhhhhhh,” Obi-wan says, drawing attention to himself, “We could’ve called out for help through the Force.” Obi-wan admits the sudden realization.

Which leads to the entire council swearing at themselves for not thinking of that sooner.

“Generals! We’re going to have to take down the door!” The clone yells, and then more bangs occur.

“Do they know that door is made out of Beskar?”

“Unlikely, that’s not public information nor is it shared often.”

“Mm, should we tell them?”

Mace snorts, “Can’t. Soundproofed, no one can hear us. We can hear them though.”

“Hmm, they’re going to take at least an hour. Wanna play strip poker?” Obi-wan asks, pulling out a deck of cards.

“How much stuff have you put in your chair Kenobi?”

“That’s not a no.”

“I’m more curious as to who Skywalker married. You normally end up taking the marriages during missions.” Master Kcaj states, looking at Anakin curiously.

“He’s married to Senator Amidala.” Obi-wan states plainly.

“Master!” Anakin exclaims, out of what he’s not sure. Embarrassment maybe? Shock?

“What?! You made out in front of me and you’re two of the _least_ subtle people in the Galaxy. I have eyes Anakin. _Now_ strip poker?” When no one responds Obi-wan amends, “Strip Sabacc?”

“Why do you want everyone to strip?” Master Kolar asks.

“If everyone’s naked then it’s more likely we’ll have an orgy.” Obi-wan says, shrugging. 

“...You truly have a one track mind.” Master Windu states, Obi-wan only shrugs in response.

“Poker? Yes? No? Sabacc? We’re definitely stripping.” Obi-wan says, moving to sit in the middle of the Council chamber. Can’t really play poker or Sabacc in chairs spaced apart with no table.

“Pokers fine.” Master Kolar says, sitting down next to Obi-wan. 

Slowly, one by one, the other Master’s follow. Anakin’s the last, hesitantly sitting on the other side of Obi-wan. He didn’t really gamble. Something Obi-wan clearly knew as he didn’t deal Anakin a hand, rather sharing his with Anakin. Which also meant when Obi-wan lost, they both stripped.

By the time the Clones finally got through the door, Master Fisto and Master Kolar were both naked, Obi-wan and Anakin were only in their leggings, Master Tiin hand only a couple layers on them, Master Windu was mostly dressed save for three of his outerlayers- however his shirt was open as he deemed it ‘too fucking hot in here’ to have it otherwise- Master Kcaj was the msot dressed. Having only lost his robe and Obi. 

None of them stopped their games when Commander Fox and his men came into the room. Obi-wan was the only one to look up, and even then, all he said was:

“Wanna join?”

**Author's Note:**

> The stuff about Icarus Herand Alucard is a silly little call to a different story I'm in the process of writing. It's not posted yet, but, yeah. There's nothing in Canon for that. I'm just very tired, and decided it was a good idea.
> 
> Vamurla's are (to my knowledge and how I use them) a me-created race with severe sun sensitivity and are constantly covered on any planet that has allows for sunlight to reach them. So, unless the planet has a very thick cloud cover, they're covered head to toe.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Yell at me on [ Tumblr](https://ahumanname.tumblr.com/)


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